Wednesday, January 27, 2010

We could try again: On who I am, among other things


I was complaining for the last part of my life that I lost the emotion that drove most of my posting. Yet, now, all I feel is emotion. I want to have a notebook around for moments of mental clarity, but I never sit still long enough to enjoy them.


I recently found out my sister, Iris, has a blog. It definitely looks more well-kept than mine, and more active, but it's cool to know that I can now read her life from her point of view.


I don't really know why I've tried to keep a blog all these years (I mean YEARS, for those few who have been following me since 2002 --PattyPants, I'm pretty sure that just means you), or why I cannot let go of the need to have one. I have a couple, and I make a horrible mess of trying to keep it up to date. I live life too actively, and all my emotion that I want to transfer and share I live to the fullest. I live it so fully that the aftermath of the lingering experiences are all I can reflect on, and by then I'm too shy to share with the world.


I am not a funny cynic, for that you would have to go to Lauren's Tumblr. I am not nearly as talented a photographer or artist as Patrick Aguilar, who makes me proud with all his efforts and courage (it takes courage to show your art to the world!). Nor am I the best person the internets has ever flirted with. What I am is a girl who loves living her life, and feels emotion in all the things involved in it.


I can't really write for anyone to read, and I think that's what makes it so hard to blog. I want to write and express the deep feelings I have for friends, to elaborate on the new lesson life just dealt me. Yet, my fear is that these things might be too real, or that somehow, something will be hurt by them.


At this time in my life, I've come to discover myself as someone who just really loves living life with the people who I love. I am a happy person, I am someone who tries hard for everyone I know, because I want them to be happy. I am deeper than most can imagine, and have had conversations that have brought so much enlightenment and comfort. I have brought other people to my level, even if it is just for a brief moment. What I want to share is all the things I've learned, all the personalities I've observed, and all the beautiful things I've seen.


I am, also, 22. I party like that. I know it might be strange, but know that this blog, if it really happens, will be filled with just a mosh of things. I party, and I party hard - frequently. Nights of booze, yack and tears do happen, occassionally, so be prepared if you're reading this to read those posts, too. I return this blog's use to be my own personal. I want to be able to read my life over someday, and I want to be able to recall the emotion that drives me to excel (and party).


I feel like I begin all my real blogging with some sort of statement of my person. I hope to someday collect all those statements from blogs of years past, and see how I've grown as a lady.

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